Snow is a Blanket Over a Sleeping Town

Years ago, a man I greatly respected at the time said "You are the center of the universe, and at the same time you are the most insignificant part of something infinitely greater than yourself. When you can hold both of these truths in your mind at the same time, you will have achieved something."

I think tonight, five minutes ago, I successfully held both truths in my mind, and I understood something meaningful. It's true and it's beautiful.

Another Poet

So, I know another poet, and he said I could share some of his work here. This piece really spoke to me, and the phenomenon of falling in love on the train, which I'll talk about another day. So, without further ado, I present "Sincerity" by Prester John.

Sincerity

To the dearest, precious woman
The dandelion of the garden
She who breaks the ice
Just so she can go fishing
For compliments.

To the lovely
No, beautiful
No, pretty
No, cute girl

I thank you
For everything
You never gave me.

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Now playing: Good Charlotte - Misery
via FoxyTunes

A Shoulder To Lean On

Earlier tonight I thought about this.

I am a cigarette.
A tube of chemicals and addiction that burns until there is nothing left
Nothing but a foul taste, an odor
And regret.

But then, I ran all around the dorm fixing things and looking at the lives of everyone else. The industrious souls who slave away or break down into elaborate rituals of alcoholic self-destruction. I am one of them, but tonight I walked among them alternately fixing their problems and making new ones. I like to think of myself as a bad person, but in reality I get the feeling that I walk the line pretty damn well. I help those I care about and break those I don't and don't feel bad about it either way.

Tonight, the popular kids asked me to do their dirty work and talk an annoying kid into leaving them alone. I agreed, because it's better him than me. Is this what the Gestapo felt like? Regardless, I'm popular now, and that status comes with a price. The price of course, that I am willing to pay.

Last but not least, some truth to go with all this beauty. The truth being that I tell nothing but the truth when I'm drunk. Not the facts, but the truth. There is a distinction in that the truth is real where facts can be unfortunate or banal. I told a girl last night that "I'm engaged, so I can't be in love with you." Now, I haven't been engaged in over two years now, but in my heart I still belong to Juliet. I may not care so greatly about the girl I told this too that I love her, but I cared enough to make it true, if only for a moment.

What am I doing here? I don't know. I'm just trying to make ends meet and hearts heal. Well, most of them anyway. Living in this dorm is like putting a frog in a blender with a thesis paper. I think I'll drop out of college and go to The Ringling College of Art and Design. Seriously, it's as good a plan as any.

The Most Beautiful Poems, You Will Never Read

It's 7:33 and I'm falling asleep even though I woke up at 4
And all I can think of is
Polish castles,
True love,
and how sorry I am for everything I ever I ever did to you.
Sorry,
Will you marry me,
So when I die you can use my money
To sing and make it big on the indie scene?


I'd rather kiss a girl than have a thousand bucks,
I'd rather taste good chocolate than eat well for a month,
I'd rather smoke than breathe for a week,
I'd rather say what I mean than watch what I speak,
I'd rather love you tomorrow than be married to another,
I'd rather die terrified than live forever.

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Now playing: Death Cab For Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved
via FoxyTunes

Juliet

I knew a girl once who was beautiful. She talked too loud, stumbled when she walked, had few friends, but loved the whole world anyway. Her love was endless in this respect, shared amongst everyone and everything while never being diminished.

Then, she let someone in, which she never did, and they broke her. The cruel, damnable world we live in broke this beautiful angel made of glass, replacing her love with a fountain of tears and her madness with a dim acquiescence to the rules laid out before her. Before the change she saw the extraordinary that lay beyond the veil, where now she sees only her broken reflection in a mirror.

Where is the justice? What happened to my Juliet?

I don't know, I left her behind in favor of freeing myself of the fetters our past had become to me. If I could take anything back, I wish I hadn't broken those ties, but just played cards that day. I'm sorry Juliet, and I'll come back for you some day.

I promise, on the only thing I hold sacred. My memories of Juliet.

We'll live in your Polish castle on the sea, and we'll dance in the rain once more before we die, I swear it.

Burnout

Fine. You win. My first research paper, 10 pages on Revelations and Ragnarok. I thought I could do it and I was wrong. Class is in 2 hours and I have 2 paragraphs, not even a whole page.

So what? You win world. But only for today. The final draft is due next week, and I'll see that this is the best essay I could make. I won't sleep in, because there is no more fear. There's either making it in the big time, or there's failing and failing hard. I know which path I'm going to take, how about you?

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Now playing: Something Corporate - Forget December
via FoxyTunes